Encouragement

Once a mother and father find out their unborn child will die, there are two things that could happen.

1) Discouragement- She is given a skewed bias opinion on what could happen to her and her health. Which leads to more worry than calmness. And gives family and friends the wrong words to build up the mother and father. To give up, accept defeat, having to hide from life...

-Or-

2) Encouragement- with more information about the joys this child could still bring to a family's life, trying to be unbiased and letting the parents choose their course from the heart, parents can fill empowered to face life's most feared thing and turn it into the moment they could live over and over. In death, there is still life and a love that gives hope for the future.

In October I got to speak with a mom who just found out her baby had anencephaly. This is our conversation: (excuse the short hand type)

Mom: Hi Stephanie, Thanks for getting back to me. I am struggling so much with this. I feel like everyone around me are worried about my health and future fertility, while I sit here thinking of my son. He deserved whatever time God has given him. People around me, mainly my dr but now that others have heard the health risk more, are concerned with the what ifs. My dr has mentioned the increased risk of a c section, which as I have 3 angel babies but no children at home they are worried about when I would be able to try again, dr says 1 year. I've also been told that due to the possibility of excess fluid, there is an increased risk of complications leading to a hysterectomy. Everyone is worried about all the risks and I get it, but I am worried about my son. I worry about him suffering. I also worry about residual guilt that would come with ending his life early. I felt peace with carrying to term but there are so many putting pressure on me through risks to choose to induce. It makes my heart sick to go through all of this and the back and forth pull.

My Reply:
There are plenty of risk in termination as well. I don't know all the medical stuff, but I have a friend who is a huge pro lifer and told me that termination can lead to breast cancer. Not to mention the guilt, sudden loss, grief. You will have loss and grief carrying to term as well, but they are different. It's in God's timing and you are giving Him the chance of beautiful miracles. Not just healing your child, but life transformations that you will never know of it you don't see through to the end. Your body is God's and He will take care of you when you trust in Him. This song (I Will Carry You) got me through the tough days. God has chosen us for this path. To love Him by loving our child. To show us that He knows how hard it is to lose a Child, Jesus. And when we give all our trust over to Him, we gain a Love that is so powerful! It's indescribable!

She followed up with this in April:
Mom: I wanted to thank you for your support as I made the decision to carry our little Matthew to term. He was born 2/18 and spent four amazing hours with us. Thank you.

My reply:
I tried sending you a message on my phone and it wouldn't go through, so sorry that it took me a while to get to a computer. Thank you for messaging me and giving an update. Congrats on being a wonderful mother and being able to love on your child. I will continue to pray for you and your family. Big hugs!

Mom: Thank you. We are healing slowly and appreciate the prayers. Those four hours were the most incredible hours of my life.

"Those four hours were the most incredible hours of my life."

I am so honored, even though our conversation was short in October that she took the time to message me back six months later.

Stewart Family: Baby Wyatt

Wyatt: Little Warrior.

Wyatt's mom, Miranda, unfortunately had high blood pressure and needed to have a c-section at the end of the second trimester.

I was standing in my kitchen cooking dinner for the family. Kirk was driving home from work, when I got the call. It was about 5:30pm., and the c-section was happening at 6:30pm.

Miranda had asked for something to do with pandas and special quote she liked. Since Wyatt wasn't due for another 2 1/2 months, I hadn't finished the canvas, but I had thankfully had it cut out ready to go.

I had called Kirk to warn him I was leaving the house when he got home. I finished cooking and eating a little for myself and grabbed the KKF tote cart to pack in the car. And soon was in the car, thankfully against traffic, to arrive at the hospital in good timing.

I could feel God's presences in the hospital that night. Maybe it also had to do with my comfort level knowing the hospital and the more "work" I'd done with KKF. Each family is different. The Stewart family that was able to be there at the moments notice, wasn't many people. But it was who those people were that made Wyatt's birthday special.

Wyatt's dad, Jason, was hours from leaving back on the road for work, but decided to stay home before he knew his son would be born that night. God was watching over.

Their older kids were being watched by Grandma and Grandpa, when I stepped in. They were very welcoming. I quickly became the entertainment for the panda loving family, by providing coloring projects and teaching them how to draw pandas for their little brother. As I finished us my panda canvas, Wyatt and family met in the room next door.

Wyatt lived a remarkable 2 hours and 40mins at just 28 weeks. That time gave their family some huge smiles and some laughs. They even said he cried at birth and grabbed his daddy's fingers so tight that his fingers turned white.

After the canvas was finished, we (myself and the Be Not Afraid team) also did some molds, prints, and Christmas ornaments.

Before leaving a minister came in to baptize Wyatt. It was Wyatt, Miranda, Jason and Miranda's parents left, as well as me and the Be Not Afraid (2). The minister kept looking at us all and calling us family. We smiled. Even though three of us weren't blood related, those there to share in a moment like that become family. Wyatt and all our other babies in Heaven link us to this sisterhood/motherhood/fatherhood that can never be known by anyone else.

Two More Families

June 28, 2013- Ruth is a mom off an anencephaly board I chat on. I was connected with her and since she is in another state, made a small canvas for her baby Evan and shipped it off for her baby's footprints to be added by her hospital staff.

July 11, 2013- The Young family had 2 healthy children, one anecephalic baby, was robbed of many memories and had a healthy baby #4 on the way. But since early in her pregnancy she was low on fluid and had many contractions and with the worry of losing another child prayed she could make it as far as they could. After her doctor appt at 37 weeks, I got the go ahead to meet them at the hospital the next day. A healthy baby was delivered and doing well. I was thankful that KKF could be apart of their day and provide a canvas that included memories of the whole family! The dad is in the army... 2 Timothy 2:3 and Joshua 5:15

It's interesting to me that my first three families all had boys with anencephaly. Not the anen. part b/c that is where we all first met, but that they were boys. Most anen. babies seem to be girls, although boys can get it too. I don't have the statistics right now. I don't have any "waiting" families as of yet. We haven't seent out many of our brochures yet, but soon.

And The New Journey Starts...

The past year brought so many changes to our lives. And after Kendall was born, we decided to give back to others. More on that story can be found on our website and old journal.

Today was KKF's first time out in action. I (Stephanie) went by myself this first time, but plan on having helping hands on future projects.

I came to be friends with Lauren through our FB anencephaly support group. And I was honored to be welcomed at Baby Ethan's birth today and help out with the many molds she packed, as well as provide custom art from KKF. I think there were also at least 8 Bibles we put prints in as well.

I'm thankful for Tracy with Be Not Afraid for being the family's liaison. We had actually spoken to each other while I was pregnant with Kendall, but we had never met. I also had the pleasure of meeting another anencephaly mom, which flew in from Michigan to be a supportive friend. With all hands on deck, we formed an assembly line to get all the pieces finished. 

"God moment" for me during the day: After a family member learned Ethan was born at 1:15, she recalled having some chills about that time. I hadn't known the birth time yet when she asked me what time I had gotten there. She knew the chills came when I had entered off the elevator... "1:15" I replied. I was the last one to get there... Ethan was waiting on everyone before letting the birthday begin! God was there!

Congratulations to Nick and Lauren on their sweet baby boy! 

~Continued prayers for your family~